A Rescue

“You got another letter,” Mira exclaimed as she bounded into my room this morning in her ritual near catapult leap onto my bed.

“What,” I replied blearily, not awake enough to come up with a creative reply.

“Elaine, I swear, you’re not nearly interested enough in your own life,” Mira chided as she shoved a large envelope into my face. “I would have just opened it, but it says ‘Calendula’ on the front, so maybe it’s for Calen?”

“Then whats it doing here?”

“I dunno, but it’s fresh off the presses. I was just downstairs contemplating breakfast when I heard the mailbox-”

“Was it Philemon” I gasped.

“I don’t know what Philemon looks like” Mira sounded put out, “but take a better look, it’s not like his normal envelopes.” I searched the dresser for my old beat up glasses and shoved them on quickly. The envelope was indeed different. Philemon always sent normal letter sized envelopes with a seal on the back. This looked quite identical to the envelope I’d received my quest in, and on the front was indeed ‘Calendula’ scrawled out in sharpie.

“That’s really weird,” I mumbled trying to hold it up to the light.

“Weeeeeell,” Mira sighed impatiently, “are you going to open it?”

“For a girl with such a moral opposition to the Quest Bureau, you certainly are interested in mine, ” I said a bit miffed. “And I really don’t think I ought to, not without Calen at least.” I turned over to squint at my alarm clock. “Is it really 10?”

“Yep,” we all sort of slept in today.

“That’s astounding for you,” I mumbled. Most likely we could have continued with this sort of witty banter for some time, but suddenly a thought shot into my head like a renegade bottle rocket. “WHAT IF THIS IS FROM PHILEMON OR ABOUT HIM OR SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT”

I leapt out of bed and dug around through my carpet of clothing and mess to try to find my phone. Frantically I pulled it out of the pocket of my discarded jeans and called Calen. After quickly briefing her on the situation, we decided to meet over by the school post-haste.

‘What about Josh, should we call him” I asked hastily.

“I’ll try,” Calen replied, “but I think he’s staying with someone over in (blahblahblah) so he may not be able to make it over right away.”

“Well, lets just meet and see what this thing says,” I said hurriedly, then mused, “it might have nothing to do with anything.”

“Riiiight,” Calen said, and I couldn’t quite tell if she was being sarcastic or just mysterious. “See you in a few minutes.”

Mira seemed a bit put off that all the excitement didn’t involve her anymore, but promising to fill her in, and making some poor attempt at putting on clothing, and grabbing a box of cereal, I was out the door and running.

When I arrived at the school, it looked almost eerie for how empty and abandoned it was. Calen was sitting on the wall surrounding the flag pole, looking just as ghostly as ever in the filtered mid-morning light. I was pathetically out of breath as I pulled the envelope out of my backpack and handed it to her.

“Any word from Josh,” I wheezed as she stared at the envelope.

“Yeah,” she replied distractedly, and begin to tear open the envelope slowly and delicately. “He had already taken a bus in…I think he’ll be here in a few…” she trailed off as she pulled the cream-colored paper from the envelope.

I could see the watermark of the Quest Bureau, just the same as my quest summons. I was nearly bursting with wanting to know what it said, but Calen had a very strange expression on her face that made me feel it was better just to let her think for a moment.

After an agonizing minute of staring at her staring at nothing I heard a sound and turned around. Josh was pedaling towards us. I trotted towards him and when he stopped in front of me I said,

“Hey, isn’t that Philemon’s bike,” and I tried to keep my voice down.

“Yeah,” Josh replied, looking disturbed, “I went over to his office this morning, and his backdoor was unlocked, but he wasn’t there. I was hunting around for evidence of something when Calen called.”

“So you stole his bike?” Josh sort of shrugged, looking distressed.

“I didn’t know how else to get over here quickly.” Josh cast a quick look at the still deeply immersed Calen and whispered even more quietly,

“I hope that letter has some good news because I’m getting seriously worried.”

We both looked back at Calen then, and shuffled quietly towards her. She looked up slowly from the paper.

“I think I know where he is,” she pronounced somberly. Then, without any more explanation she stood up and began to walk toward the back of the school. I made a what-in-the-world-is-going-on face at Joshua, and he shrugged.

“Calen,” I said cautiously as I trotted to catch up with her. She was striding determinedly around the school toward the spots field. As I caught up to her she handed me the paper, but continued to wordlessly stare ahead. Something like the panic button was starting to go off in my brain. I hurriedly looked down at the paper and read,

Calendula,

Welcome back to the world of the living.

This is your Quest: backtrack and go find Philemon.

Best Wishes,

The Quest Bureau (cool stamp insignia thing)

I spun around to see where Josh was and nearly crashed into him as he caught up to me. I handed him the paper babbling something not entirely coherent about ‘what in the world is that supposed to mean?!??!??!’He looked, if possible, even more worried.

“I don’t know,” he looked towards Calen again, “but I guess she does, I think we just need to follow her.” I nodded, though I still felt a sort of panic fighting to get out of me in the form of 1000 questions.

Calen had now nearly made it across the back field, and was nearly to the trail that led into the woodsy area that covers several acres behind and to the side of the school, our town’s version of a mini forest preserve.

“Try to see,” Josh whispered, a bit out of breath.

“See what,” I asked, also winded.

“Anything,” he said, “I think that’s what she’s doing.”

The idea of just seeing to see what you could see was something that had always seemed sort of strange and taboo, and anyway, there were just trees here, and-

“crows,” I whispered. I’d almost felt it more than seen it, there was something far off to the right that felt like seeing dark birds. The path split ahead and Calen veered to the right, Josh and I trailing her. I glanced up at Josh and he seemed distant too now, perhaps seeing something in the nothing.

I felt odd again, and suddenly the dream from the bus come back to me. The images of black wings and claws and a small reddish bird, glowing like an ember. I felt a chill as I saw a blackbird fly dawn the trail beside us. Or did I see it? I stopped still, suddenly feeling an incredible foreboding. I knew what I could see with my eyes, sunlight filtering in a friendly way through fall leaves, and a pleasant trail. But I was beginning to see something else, like a gloom spreading outward from something dark ahead.

Calen had already turned a corner ahead, but Josh stopped and came back for me.

“Do you see that?” I tried to keep the quaver out of my voice. He nodded mutely and held out his hand. I took it, and sort of looked down as we went forward half hoping not to see or see anything else. The trail twisted around a few more times and Joshua suddenly came to a halt. Reluctantly, but almost automatically I looked up, and gasped.

Philemon was there, leaning against a tree some just ten feet ahead of us. He looked eerily blank, as far gone as Calen had ever been. He didn’t seem to notice us, or even Calen who was slowly walking toward him now.

“Do you see,” Josh whispered and suddenly tightened his grip on my hand. I didn’t want to, but somewhat apart from my control I began to see, and stifled another gasp.

The gloom had fallen over everything, like the sun had gone behind thick clouds. Where Philemon was standing, there was nothing, not even a shadow or a wisp of a ghost. But there were birds everywhere, darkening the ground with their feathers and filling the air with sharp cries. Calen was shielding her head as she forced her way through them to where they seemed to be concentrated, diving and clawing at something on the ground.

Josh began to walk forward, dragging me with him, but we only made it a few feet further. I could see Calen fighting her way to the center, but it was as though she had stepped off the edge of the world, onto a path only she could follow. The birds were screeching more angrily now and I saw her disappear almost entirely into their darkness.

“Calen,” I heard myself scream, and tried again to lung forward. I felt like I might faint, like there was darkness creeping in an all sides of my vision and there was a roaring in my ears. Everything felt frozen for a moment , then I saw the birds clear a bit and I stumbled forward several steps before tumbling to my knees next to Calen.

She was crouching, protectively holding something to her chest. She slowly unwrapped her arms to reveal a small bird cupped in her hands. It was small, grey, and badly mangled.

“Is it dead,” I choked out. BUt Calen didn’t respond. She was whispering something to the bird, and touched it delicately with an expression of fierce concentration.

Slowly, almost inperceptively at first, a spot of color began to glow in the birds feathers. Then it was like someone fanning a coal back to a flame. The grey dusty appearance shifted to gold then orange, then hot burning red. The bird twitched, then ruffled its feathers and hopped up. It jumped to the edge of Calen’s fingers and then fluttered to the ground between us. We both moved to shelter it, as the ember bird began to pick and scratch ar the ground.

I suddenly noticed that there was a large pile of leaves between us, as the bird seemed to be digging through them. Calen reached out and pushed a handful aside. There were several curled white protrusions now sticking out of the forest floor. As she continued to clear the brush and I felt a new surge of panic rising inside me. She was uncovering bones, a human skeleton.

I could feel myself slipping into fog agin, but Calen continued with grim determination. The red ember bird flitted impatiently around her hands, perching delicately on the exposed ribs.

Just as the chest cavity was cleared, the bird jumped inside, situating itself where the heart would have been. It blazed brightly for a moment and then everything went completely black.

Suddenly my vision returned, and I knew I was seeing again. Calen was kneeling in front of me dappled with the midmorning sun. She was gazing over my shoulder with a determined but anxious expression. I looked behind me to see Philemon leaning against the tree. He was blinking, and looked around for a moment, trying to take in the scene before beginning to collapse forward. Joshua was right there to catch him, and helped him to sit down on the ground.

* * *

There was a long quiet silence that followed. We eventually asked Philemon a few questions to make sure he was ok, or at least ok enough to get back to his house. He said he was. No one seemed to feel up to answering or asking the obvious, ‘what just happened.’ It was almost as thought he peace was still too delicate to disturb, and we all understood in some way that figuring it all could wait, and would take some time.

Eventually Josh said he’d walk Philemon back to the house, and that maybe he’d get back to us later. I thought Calen might abandon me to, but she agreed to go over to the park and just walk a bit. We were both deep in our own thoughts for most of the walk, but eventually I realized I was quite hungry and pulled the box of cereal and began to munch noisily before offering some to Calen.

We ended up sitting in the park for a while, eating cereal on the same bench where we’d had our fight, when was that, a week or too ago. I some ways it felt like a lifetime. We watched the children scrambling over the playground in the distance, and eventually I found my way to a question.

“Did you even ask for a quest?” Calen sat silent for a moment with a bemused smile playing over her face.

“Why would I do that? Everyone knows I hate the Quest Bureau.” She thought for another moment and laughed, “I guess I just got one for free, because I’m just that special.”

“I think you might be,” I said seriously.

“Nah,” she laughed a bit more grimly, “there’s nothing special about having a close personal acquaintance with monsters.”

I would disagree, but I didn’t say so out loud. I just smiled, passed her the cereal box, and said,

“okay, you win, you’re totally average, it must have been a mistake at the Bureau office.”

But the fact of the matter is, that I know it’s not true. What’s more, I think I know now, that this is not a stupid quest.

Nothing

“Nothing will come of nothing”

                                       -King Lear

It was a nothing day of not doing much, and waiting for everything.

Calen and I got together and studied at the library, once again blowing all my theories out of the water. Some people study on Saturdays, who knew?

Other people disappear on Saturdays.

Later we met up with a rather moody and concerned Josh. He said that he hadn’t been able to find Philemon/Tom last night or this morning. This was particularly odd since Philemon himself had claimed to be under house arrest.

“He wasn’t really supposed to leave the office for too long at a time,” Josh said ponderously, “I never entirely understood why.”

“So the Quest Bureau gave him a new name, and locked him in an office, he wouldn’t happen to be a serial killer or anything” Calen asked with a small smirk.

Josh just looked grim. I protested that all this was ridiculous, and he was probably just on a little quest field trip or something. But none of us were entirely convinced. We argued about trying to get a hold of the Quest Bureau to ask them about his location.

“That won’t work for several reasons, ” Josh grumbled (he was not the wellspring of optomism I’d gotten to know over the past few days). “First,  they always contact us, no one has theie phone number. We can’t just call up the Bureau!”

“And when we try to find them, they disappear” Calen said with a dark grin.

“Thats true,” I nodded earnestly. Josh looked confused for a moment, then shook his head and continued.

“Secondly, if Tom isn’t supposed to be gone, then we’ll get him in trouble by reporting him missing. That’s not even taking into account the fact that I’m not supposed to be here, and who knows what trouble Elaine is in?”

“Are you sure he’s not just hiding,” Calen said whistfully.

“Who, Tom? From me?” Josh let out a deeply agitated sigh, “Maybe, but I certainly hope not.”

“Why? Isn’t that better that being kidnapped or whatever?” Calen seemed to be enjoying this a bit too much. Josh looked at her like ‘that’s not funny’, but she continued to grin darkly.

“The point is, ” I said, trying to get the situation under control, “He wouldn’t be hiding from us, he want’s to talk to me, I mean, I think he does.”

“Well then you go see him,” Calen pronounced, “you’re our magicsiren! Charm him out of his office”

I am so not anyone’s magic Siren, least of all Philemon’s.

 I knew this from the beginning, but it took all of us going over to his dark office for them to figure it out as well. Somehow we’d been useless most of the afternoon and it was starting to get dark. I volunteered that if he wasn’t back by tomorrow that I’d restore my journal back to the original level of security and send out some sort of SOS. It seems like the best we can do for now.

I know nothing will come of nothing, but I just can’t think of anything else.

Calm Before the Storm

It was a strange sort of day, like everything was holding its breath. 

Calen and I had lunch together in the lunchroom. I didn’t even have to hunt for her. It almost felt like we were normal people. But then our conversation centered around my quest, and whether I  was really in trouble, and what “trouble” even meant. We concluded I could maybe write a really nice apology letter and hope for the best. But we had to admit, even this solution seemed lame and confusing.

We met up with Joshua after school and continued the conversation. I wondered out loud repeatedly what any of us had done wrong? Josh decided  he ought to be the one to go talk to Philemon and try to make peace, or at least straighten things out. I have no idea how he plans to do that.

 I think it’s kind of unfair that a happy ending now just feels like waiting for the other shoe to fall. Like, here’s the good news so whats the bad news? Maybe it won’t be so bad.

Sorry this is so uninformative, I’ll let you know whan I find out.

Good Feelings Gone

Oh the horror! I slept through my alarm, but that was not the worst of it. My day began with Mira bounding into my room and jumping on my bed, nearly catapulting me out of it. When she gleefully informed me,

“You got a letter from Philemon” I was concerned that I’d entered into the twilight zone.

“Huh,” I said blearily, trying to sit up, “didn’t this just happen yesterday or something?”

“Yes, you’re very popular,” Mira said smugly, “But at least today you haven’t lost your will to go on. Get dressed, I don’t want to be late!” Then she sat perched on my bed expectantly, holding out the envelope.

I snatched it, iritated. I tried to read the letter without my contacts, and she began to whistle, “I’m getting married in the morning.”

“Mira!” I cried, “he’s probably sending me to jail! It’s SO not like that!”

“I’ll read it,” she laughed, snatching it back.

“Well at least you’ll know how serious it is,” I mumbled as she began.

Elaine,

I am not finding the words right now to express the depth of the trouble you are in. Come to my office immediately after school!

-Philemon

“Well, you’re right,” Mira sounded disappointed, “that wasn’t very romantic at all. Except that he wants to see you again,” she brightened, “that’s nice.”

“I don’t want to see him though, he’s crazy,” I whined. “what’s that Elvis thing to do? Can we put ‘return to sender on it’ and put it back in the mailbox?”

“I don’t know if that works, especially after you’ve opened it.”

“Well, then tape it back up” I cried, “I don’t have time for this Mira, I have to get ready, you do it!”

Then I rushed around like a crazy person, and now I am still a mess, but I needed to write this because it all just feels very ominous, and who knows what will happen? I’ll talk to Calen about it today, maybe she knows what to do.

Fairy Tales

“Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”
― G.K. Chesterton

 

How about this: I’m going to tell you two stories. I could tell one or the other: they’re both partially true, but they’re both missing some truth as well. We’ll start with the fairy tale:

 

Once upon a time there was a princess who was locked away in a tall stone tower surrounded by ferocious dragons. Near the tower there was a village where many rumors were told about the princess. Some said that the dragons belonged to the princess, that they were her pets. Others claimed that the creatures were an extension of the princess herself, her heart in monster form. So that to kill them, would be to destroy her as well. Some ever said that there was no princess in the tower at all, just another dragon.

There were a few who believed she was an old-fashioned princess, locked up by wicked parents, but even they questioned why it had been done, and wondered if perhaps she was not wicked as well.

So the years passed and many knights who came searching for adventure were turned away by the strange stories, and the princess remained in the tower.

Just when it seemed that the princess might remain in the tower until the end of her days, two adventurers came to the village. They were not knights and they only listened to the stories with half interest. They had heard another tale, from a man so old and wise that he had to be believed more than rumors.

Because they didn’t have particularly good weapons or armor, the adventurers did not think they could defeat the dragons or climb the tower. Instead they tried standing at a distance and yelling to the princess,

“Call off your dragons, fair lady, we mean you no harm.” But she did not reply. 

They tried to sneak near the tower in the dark, unfortunately dragons never sleep. They tried to perform a song and dance to sooth the monsters, but have you ever seen a dragon laugh, it’s worse than when they are angry.

Finally, there was only one thing left for the adventurers to do. They realized that they would have to fight the dragons, even if it seemed futile. So the adventurers wished each other luck and rushed into the swarm of teeth and claws and fire. They fought, battled and were quite nearly beaten, but kept on going just the same.

At one point, a large dragon about to strike suddenly dissolved into smoke, and the fighters heard a small voice beside them,

“I thought no one would ever come for me.” It was the princess, peeking through a small hole she had made in the wall. One adventurer replied,

“perhaps princess, if you could  make a bigger hole, we could distract the dragons and you might escape?”

“No,” she said, “the rumors are true, these are my dragons, I am a dragon, they will always be with me.”

” It isn’t true,” they called as she began to close up the hole, “Even if you do not believe it anymore, you are a princess, and we will continue to fight for you!”

So they continued to battle, and stand on the edge of defeat, for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually the princess made a window again and said,

“Stop this silliness, I will prove to you that I am right!” She pushed away a secret wall and opened up a door. As she stepped out of the tower the adventures could see that she was weary and dusty, but indeed a beautiful princess. The dragons began to attack her as well, and the adventurers tried to defend her.

“You see,” the princess called over the battle, ” they follow me wherever I go.” To prove her point they ran across the field toward the forest and the dragons followed.

“What’s more,” she continued, ” I sometimes make them appear.” She concentrated very hard for a moment, and indeed a dragon materialized in front of her, lunging forward to strike. But her new friends blocked the blow, getting slightly singed themselves, and off to the side another dragon turned to smoke.

The princess was surprised, and even a bit grateful, and perhaps that is why the next time a dragon struck an attack, she pulled out her own sword, and began to fight back.

It was strange, but with the pricesses’ help in the battle, they began to, if not defeat, at least keep the dragons at a distance. Once the creatures were mostly corralled, only striking out occasionally, the adventures said,

“You see, this is not an impossible problem, you must come with us and be free from your tower!” The princess hung her head and replied,

“No, it is inescapable, they will still follow me wherever I go. I am safer, and so are you, if I simply stay in the tower.”

“Preposterous,” the adventurers cried, ” we are adventurers, you must come with us and we will find other dragon slayers. Are we the only three people in this world with weapons? We will find a way to rid you of your dragons, it is surely possible!”

The princess thought long and hard, and began to cry and a few dragons turned to smoke right on the spot. She slowly nodded and agreed to come with them.

With that they set off, all together, to face whatever adventure lay ahead.

 

THE END         

 

Or should I say, to be continued….

 

The other way I could tell this story is as follows:

 

Last night Josh and I made a nearly hopeless, silly plan. We asked ourselves how we could help Calen and tried to figure out how we could fight her personal demons that seemed to exists purely on a metaphysical level. After a very long, and admittedly convoluted discussion we came up with two ‘weapons’

1. Truth, we would insist that we wanted to be her friend and be there for her, and for Josh’s part, he even liked her

2. Hope, we decided that we felt most gloomy when we could no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel, and so we would insist that a better tomorrow was possible.

We decided to have this talk with her after school today.  I will say this, tracking down, and not loosing Calen was the best bit of espionage I’ve done this quest. It involved nothing less than: following her after lunch, lying to the receptionist to find out Calen’s last class of the day, ditching my 9th period when I found out she got out early, and after loosing her temporarily, a crazy mad dash (without a jacket) across the lacrosse field behind the school.

After Calen yelled at me and Josh for stalking and lying respectively she finally  begrudgingly allowed us to talk to her. And thats pretty much what we did, just talk, and then some crying. We walked in circles around the neighborhood behind the school until I, about to succumb to hypothermia, suggested we go back to school.

There was hardly anyone there except for a few clubs putzing around. Still, with the warm weird glow of the florecent lights, and the relative warm, it seemed like quite a cheerful place compared to the blustery gloom of the outside. I was frolicking down the hall, spinning around occasionally and feeling like I really believed in the possibility of a better tomorrow.

“We’re going to have so much fun,” I called with a laugh, “after all, we’re seeeeeeniors!” I spun too far and crashed into the lockers. Calen laughed, which really was amazing, and said,

“Yeah, unless you and Josh get arrested by the Quest Bureau, it sounds like you’re both fugitives now.” It was a disturbing point.

“Way to rain on my parade,” I said still spinning, “you’ll come break us out of jail right?”

“Sure,” she said with a snort, “I’ll start making my plans right now.” We all laughed.

 

If my life were a play, I think I’d drop the curtain right here. But maybe that would be silly, and perhaps defeat the point. After all, we just spent several hours trying to convince Calen that the great and better is probably still coming. The dragon slaying is what’s coming…we’ll see how that goes.

And there is that small tiny problem of the Quest Bureau. I mean, I did go against their instructions, but we didn’t really do anything wrong…right? Will Philemon report us when he gets the letter? I don’t think I’ve heard the last of that. But this small ray of light (Calen not hating us) seems so fragie, it makes me nervous.

Even as I write this, Calen and Josh are hanging out, figuring out stuff which I guess relates more to them and last year and whatever he’s going to do next. So who even knows how thats going to go. I’m still hoping for the best, but I’m feeling that something’s not quite right. I hope I’m wrong. 

to be continued…

Trust part 2

Do you remember that time, which feels so very long ago, when I was talking about trusting Shakespeare, and wondering who I could trust in regards to my quest? Well, last night I somewhat suddenly and unexpectedly decided to trust Joshua. Why? Because since this crazy stupid thing began, he’s the first one to give me anything like the truth. Or at least, I think it’s the truth, I suppose It could all be part of an even more elaborate lie. Probably that’s why it’s called ‘trust’, because if I knew anything for a fact I wouldn’t be in this ridiculous and confounding dilemma.

After going to the Library last night I had to go home and confess to my parents about the whole ditching on Monday thing, since I figured that if I was going to endanger my life I should at least leave this life clean and clear with my parents. They got rather upset and I tried to explain that I am doing my best to do the right thing, but that ‘good’ seems so absolutely confounding these days. They suggested that truth is always on the side of good, and so that I should keep that in mind as I proceed forward.

So there you have it. The truth will set you free.

With that in mind I will backtrack to what happened at the library.

I arrived sometime after 7 completely frazzled, and a ball of nerves. As I stepped into the warm glow of the library I felt a bit better. I mean, what could possibly go wrong at the library? I waved to my favorite friendly librarian, scanned the movie area, recognized several people studying (who knew?) at the tables, and let out a deep sigh. Then turned toward the reference desk and  felt a bit less okay, seeing Joshua sitting at a table on the far end. He was looking right at me, and though it was with a friendly smile, I still felt my stomach begining to twist in fear.

I stood rooted to the spot until he began to look confused, and then made a move to get up. I reminded myself that this was a safe, well-lit, public place and strode forward, though a bit shakily.  He looked large and friendly, though a bit serious, just like the first time I’d seen him.

The first time I’d seen him he’d been following me. I stopped, just a few feet away from him, trying to find something to say to communicate the full force of my confusion.

“Who are you,” I finally managed, but it came out sounding crazy and desperate.

“Ah,” he said looking a bit unsettled, “Isn’t that always a long story?  But for starters, I’m Joshua,” he held out his hand, “nice to meet you, officially.” He sat down, and I did as well, though perching delicately on the edge of my seat. After looking contemplative for a moment, he continued,

“Tom, I mean, Philemon, seems to think that the less you know about any of this, the less trouble it will be for you.

There also seems to be this idea that if you don’t know anything about Calen, you’ll be able to be her friend in a more pure and genuine way. And while that might all be true, and that is what The Bureau seems to be standing by, I think it’s all gone beyond ideal circumstances and we need to start prepairing for something more dire.”

 He paused for a moment and looked at me searchingly before continuing,

“I really care about Calen, and I think there’s a reason they asked you specifically to help her. But I still feel like I need to ask you first if you want to get into this any deeper? It’s probably only going to get messier from here on out.”

I stared down the table for a moment, thinking back to the first time I heard about the quest bureau, and all the time I spent imagining the adventures I might have. I had felt prepared for pirates or villans, so why should this be so unnerving? I clenched my fist for a moment and then said in a harsh whisper,

“this is still my quest, I’m not going to let messy get in my way.” Josh let out his breath slowly,then smiled strangely. I wondered if I’d given the wong answer. But he began before I had too much time to worry.

“Okay, I guess I’m start with me. I grew up over in (blah blahblah), you know where that is?” I nodded,

“right outside the city?”

“Right. So growing up a bit closer to the ‘shady’ (laugh) part of town was interesting, but I was quiet. I kept to myself and mostly out of trouble. I think Tom had it a bit worse. Do you mind if I call him Tom? I’m still not used to the whole Philemon thing.”

I nodded mutely.

“Anyway, Tom and I both sort of lived on the edge of the next school district, so we ended up going to grade school with a bunch of well, suburbia kids. Ha! We thought we were so hard-core, and we bonded over being from “the wrong side of the tracks.’ But I promise you, we were not all that tough or cool. We both had working parents so we had to do afterschool programs. We spent most of that time plotting elaborate escapes so that we could travel the world in search of adventure. In middle school we expanded into a whole band of misfits. I had a talent for noticing lonely people, and Tom was actually fun so-” At this I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Fun?”

“Yeah” he laughed too, ” it’s hard to believe, but he was fun. He’s so smart, he’d come up with these complex convoluted plots to mess with the jocks, or win us all girlfriends or save the world. I mean, none of it ever worked out, but it somehow got us through junior high in one piece. We thought highschool was going to be our true moment of world domination. And it was for a while. We both applied for quests, and were sure that we’d be sent on secret espionage adventures, like mission impossible or something.

Then, the summer after our sophomore year my mom got a job over here, and we had to move. It was a good job and she’d been looking for a while, so it was sort of not even an option to not move. You’d think we were going to China for the fuss that Tom and I made. Everyone else acted like it wasn’t that big a deal, since it’s only like 30 minutes away, but we knew it was the end of the epicness.

So we moved, and Tom and I tried to still hang out and stuff, but it wasn’t the same. I kinda drifted through junior year, always thinking that graduation and questing was my chance for greatness. I didn’t feel like anything else mattered all that much. It was pretty pathetic. Then it was senior year and somehow things began to shift. I decided to join choir just to try it, and I began to notice people again. Particularly I noticed Calen.

I was in the choir room early one day  and I saw here there, just sitting in the corner. She was so small and quiet that she almost blended into the wall. Then I tried to see her and she had this incredible  cloud of creepy things floating all around her, clear as anything. ‘What an interesting girl’ I thought, and I knew I had to be friends with her.

I tried to talk to her, and for a while she was just mean or distant, but I was determined, and I felt like I’d finally found something worth being interested in. At the same time I was learning that I actually liked to sing. It turns out choir is full of weirdos, so it was a great place to find friends. And all the time I was trying to get through to Calen. By the middle of the year she finally decided to remove one small brick from her stone tower, and it was like she was passing me notes through her small window.

I won’t get into it too much, because it’s not my story to tell, but her’s is quite a doozy. She’s been through a lot, and on top of that she sees everything. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone so perceptive. As the year progressed, we really got to be friends, it was sort of amazing.

As graduation drew near I began to wonder what was going to happen once I left. I mean, I’d always known that I’d go to college or go on a quest, but the reality of leaving so soon began to sink in. I got word from the Bureau at the end of April last year, they told me that they had a quest ready for me, and I would be contacted after graduation. I went to see Tom, and he’s gotten a quest summons as well.

But the last few years hadn’t quite been as good for him. I knew I was always the optimist of our duo, and he’d always had more to deal with, considering his family and whatnot, but I’d never seen him so grim. He seemed hard and closed off, even as we talked about the James Bond adventures we’d soon be having, he wasn’t as excited as I’d imagined.

It probably goes without saying then that when we actually got our quests after graduation, it was nothing short of disastrous. I got the interesting, traveling quest, and Tom got sentanced to the local office. So he finally got to move here, but just in time to be left behind. I tried to tell him that it was surely a temporary thing, I reminded him he was still helping people, and I promised to stay in touch. But he was still furious, not at me exactly, but I certainly got some of the blame. Calen just went back to her tower, and filled in all the cracks in the walls.

So when I left, it was full of guilt, and significantly less enthusiastic than I’d ever imagined. But what I saw out in the world, was kind of amazing. I know it’s hard to believe with all the craziness, but there really are a lot of people out there trying to do good. My quest was basically to be sent around by the Bureau to assist others in their quests, like what I did for you. It turns out, being able to see well and notice people can be really useful, who knew?

It wasn’t quite as glamorous as I’d expected, but it did involve some stealth, and I got to meet so many interesting people. Meanwhile I was trying to keep in touch with the newly dubbed ‘Philemon’ , which I think was some sort of security thing, and the disturbingly upset Calen.

The things Calen was writing to me, I was starting to get really concerned for her. I tried to tell Tom to look out for her but he said he was basically under house arrest.

This is what I will say for Tom: he really does care about people. But he seems to have become completely obsessed with following all the rules. I guess he’s had one too many run in’s with ‘evil’ and he wants to, even if it’s begrudgingly, stay within the relm of good. Even if that means going against his friends sometimes.”

Joshua took a deep breath, and stared at nothing for a moment. He looked upset, but I couldn’t handle the suspense.

“So where do I come into all this” I asked quietly.

“Right,” he said and seemed to arrange a few things in his mind. “So I was traveling and writing to Calen.  I could tell even from the things she wasn’t saying that she was like an airplane in a nose dive. I was concerned that she might to something to hurt herself or someone else. I wrote to the quest bureau trying to plead my case. I asked them to let me go back or at least send someone to look after her, at least for a little while. I had no idea they’d make it an official quest until they told me that I could help you out for one day, and then be on my way. They warned me though, that it wasn’t my quest, and that mention of the quest was a bad idea.

I think that’s why they told you so little but then made you set up a secure-line journal. So that you could become friends without too much baggage, but that if things started to go wrong, that they could pull you out quickly.”

“Have things gone wrong,”  I asked, “I mean, more wrong than they already were?”

“So it would seem. That’s why I came back, and have gone all renegade. I think together we’ve got a better chance of pulling Calen out of her dark spiral downward. I mean, if you still want to. If you don’t, I thought you at least deserved an explanation. I know the Quest bureau can have a way of crushing people’s dreams without even meaning to.”

I thought it all over, surveying the great ocean of new information that had just descended upon me. It all seemed like a bit too much to take in.

“Do you think she’s dangerous,” I asked cautiously, thinking back to the fire in her eyes, and the looming dark around her.

“Life is dangerous,” he answered resolutely, “and as for Calen, I’m just not sure. But for me, she’s worth the risk. And for you?”

“I just don’t know,” I felt like I was whining, “I mean, what if I’m not good enough for this?What if the only reason the Quest Bureau chose me is because I was the only person in 20 miles who wanted a quest?”

“What if?” He responded with a shrug of his shoulders, then gazed off toward the other side of the library. I thought about Sam and Caleb in Africa, I thought of bravery and hope and Good vs. Evil. I thought that if Calen needed someone’s help, it would surely be on the side of good to try to be that person.

“Okay” I said nodding my head slowly, “let’s make a plan.”

Joshua turned back to me with a smile growing on his face.

“Yes, lets, but first we need to do something about that journal of yours.”

***

 School was not terribly eventful today, but that didn’t keep me from being terrified. Calen was actually there, though looking more dark and disturbed than ever. I tried to talk to her, but she continued to insist venomously that she wanted nothing to do with me. Otherwise I just tried to be the good, studious student. I tried to be inconspicuous and not like someone who might do something crazy at any moment .

Then after school I received a very interesting letter from Philemon.  He wrote:

Elaine,

The Bureau tells me that you did not post to your secure-line journal last night. I hope this means that you have stopped your quest. You might want to write some sort of close-out entry to reassure them that you are safe.

-Philemon

Considering that I have now resolved to try to be truthful, I wrote back:

Philemon (or should I say Tom),

I did not in fact write in my secure-line journal, but an even more secure-line journal that I believe even fewer people can see. As for safety, I have decided I am more concerned with doing good. I think you would agree, that is the most important thing.

-Elaine

Then, not knowing exactly what to do with the letter (since he pretty much told me not to come back to his office), I put it in another envelope, addressed it, and stuck it back in the mailbox. Given normal postal rates, he will probably know the truth by next monday.

Joshua and I are going to meet up at the library again tonight to continue our plotting and planning. Whoever you are still reading this, wish me luck!

Good vs. Evil

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”

                                                                          -Newton’s 3rd law of motion

I almost didn’t get out of bed this morning. I was hitting the snooze button for about the 79th time when Mira came in and jumped on the bed with such force that I was nearly catapulted out. I told her that there was no reason for me to go on, and she told me to stop being ridiculous. She asked me if I had read the letter from Philemon yet, and I said I didn’t want to. Then she badgered me so effectively that I told her, if you’re so interested just read it yourself. I waved my hand toward the corner of the room I’d thrown it toward last night, leaving my head buried in the pillow. After some commentary on my general state of messiness and rooting through the miscellany she found the envelope, tore it open and read:

Elaine,

Did I not tell you to be calm, rational, and good? Please, I am asking you with my sincerest concern for your well-being, do not do anything rash today, and come see me immediately after school. I have several crucially important things to say to you.

-Philemon

I mumbled several irritated things into my pillow while Mira turned over the paper and made sure there was nothing else in the envelope.

“I think this is very nice Elaine,” she said cheerily, “it comforts me to know that you two might get together out of this ordeal, at least it won’t have been a total waste.”

“What,” I shot up out of the covers and glared at her, “This is not nice! I do not want to go to that impossible ridiculous-” Mira stopped me by holding up her hand.

“Ok, you win. He’s impossible, but now that you’re up you should probably at least go to school.”

I threw my pillow at her, but I did go to school.

It was a gloomy and disturbing affair. Several of my teachers asked me in concern about my absence yesterday, and I didn’t have the heart to lie of tell the truth, so I just sort of sputtered.  I searched for Calen at lunch from sheer force of habit, but didn’t see her anywhere. After asking a few people if they’d seen her, my spirits sank steadily with each consecutive “no”. I tried to be studious and attentive, but like in the good old days when I had a quest, distraction was inevitable. By the end of the day I was so grim that I figured seeing Philemon could not possibly make me feel worse.

After informing Mira of my plans I trudged over to Cascaskia street. As I was walking up the path to Philemon’s door I suddenly heard raised voices from inside. If I had been a ninja, or even possibly just been me, but thinking more clearly, I might have dived into the bushes on the side of the porch and overheard the conversation. But instead I stood there dumbly as the door flew open and who should stomp out but weird guy himself. Philemon was standing in the door glaring at the whole scene,

“Well isn’t this perfect” he yelled throwing up his arms.

“Actually, I think this is perfect,” Josh gestured dramatically to me “she deserves to know-”

“DO NOT,” Philemon shouted as he walked down the stairs, “tell her anything, she’s still under my jurisdiction, and you’re not even supposed to be here!”

“Your what Tom?” Joshua spoke with quiet venom, “since when have you been in charge of anyone, least of all me?”

Philemon lurched forward as if he was going to go something violent, but Josh sidestepped him with amazing agility for someone of his size. For a moment they just glared at each other from several feet apart, then Josh said acidly,

“I’ll be going then, wouldn’t want to interfere with your jurisdiction.” Then backed away several paces before turning and calling over his shoulder, “But I’m warning you…”

The threat just sort of hung in the air like a wisp of smoke as Josh walked away into the gloomy afternoon. Philemon said something under his breath and punched the support beam of the porch. I stood there, hands in pockets, watching the puffs of my breath curl out in front of me, not having any idea what to do next.

“Well,” Philemon said after a long minute, “I guess you better come in.” A small knot of fear tightened in my stomach.

“Are you sure this isn’t a bad time?”

“It really is,” he said staring intently into the middle distance for a minute, “but there’s nothing to be done. We need to talk and the sooner the better.”

In a moment of seriously questionable judgement I followed him back into the office. He still looked extremely cross, but seemed to be acting more calm and rational. I sat down in the chair facing the desk, and waited patiently while he opened the curtains, letting in the pale pathetic light.

“I imagine it goes without saying that I can’t comment on what just happened back there,” He said waiving towards the front yard as he moved towards his desk. “So I suggest you do your best to forget about it.” He pulled the detectives jacket off the back of the desk chair and slipped it on as he sat down. Folding his hands, he placed them on the desktop and looked at me very seriously.

“Elaine,” he said slowly, “do you know Newtons third law of motion?”

“Um,” I said warily, “maybe.”

“For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.” He looked at me even more intently. “And Elaine, do you know what the opposite of good is?”

“Bad,” I mouthed, the sound barely coming out.

“Evil,” He said firmly, and then looked around for a moment as through searching for words. “What Newton was talking about was a principle of physics. What  I want to talk to you about is something similar, about forces which exist, mostly unseen, and impact the way things happen in this world.”

I sat frozen in the chair, entirely unsure if I was supposed to respond to this.

“Elaine,” He said again, as if I could possible not be paying attention, “Do you know what it is that the quest bureau does?”

“Fights in the global cause for good,” I asked more than answered. Philemon nodded and continued,

“I’m sure you see where I’m going with this. ” I was concerned that I did, so I nodded. “Good and Evil,” he said and paused thoughtfully, “it’s not a game you know.” I nodded again. He looked ominous, “and that is why I am telling you that when the quest bureau gives you instructions, you should listen to them. That is why I am saying that you need to stop your questing, because you are in danger.”

We sat there for a long moment until I couldn’t handle the intensity and broke away from his gaze. I wanted to laugh it off or say that I didn’t know what the big deal was, but I couldn’t do it with any conviction.

“What are you going to do now,” Philemon asked. I looked up and he was still staring at me, though in a much less frightening way.

“Go home,” I volunteered meekly.

“I think that’s a good idea. And what about after that?”

“Homework,” I said a bit more confidently.

“A fine idea. And after that?”

I began to get his drift and answered with false certainty, “stop thinking about the quest, and get on with my life.”

“Correct,” Philemon stated and then smiled grimly, “better get to that.”

Again we stared at each other for a moment and then I quickly scrambled to me feet, he stood and I headed for the door. “I’ll see you ,” I called without really thinking.

“I’d imagine it’s actually ‘goodbye’ for the time being,” he said matter-of-fact-ly. I turned and looked to see if he was serious. I don’t know why I thought he might be kidding.

“OKay, goodbye then,” I said awkwardly, and then turned again to walk out the door. I was quickly becoming flooded with several emotions and wanted to get home before I was swept away. I vaguely heard him call,

“be safe,” as I let myself out. The afternoon outside was gloomier still, and I walked quickly down the block, trying to ignore the cold and the looming feelings tsunami.

“Elaine,” A voice called quietly behind me. I nearly had a heart attack as I spun around to see Josh standing a few feet behind me. I looked around wildly as was about to scream when he quickly put his hands up in surrender and said,

“Sorry, sorry, I just want to talk to you for a second.”

“You’re following me,” I said in a breathless panic.

“Not for very long,” he soothed, “and that’s not much of an accusation coming from you, ms. stalker of the year.”

“What,” I choked, “how do you-”

“I’m on a quest,” he interrupted with a laugh, “I can read your blog.”

“WHAT!?” I was in serious danger of sounding like a broken record, but I was more concerned that I might pass out. I wavered for a moment and Joshua reached out to steady me. I jerked away and this time did stumble backwards.

“I just want to talk to you,” Josh said soothingly, ” We can speak in a nice, safe, public place, and I will tell you a few things that no one else will.”

I looked back toward Philemon’s office, but I’d gone around the block and it was out of sight. “Are you working for good or for evil,” I said, perhaps totally devoid of sanity.

“Oh no, not that speech,” Josh smacked his hand against his forehead. “Did he just,” he sputtered, then sighed heavily, “I am on the side of good, I don’t know if I can say as much for him right now.” He smiled wearily and said, “so what’ll it be Elaine, can we just talk?”

“Will you tell me why you called him Tom,” I asked in spite of myself.

“Because that’s his name, yes, I will, and many other disturbing things, ” he said airily. “Hows about we meet at the Library at 7?”

“Alright,” I said slowly, “and you can stop following me now.”

“absolutely,” He said with a smile that seemed genuine.

So, I went home, told Mira to call the police and alert the quest bureau if I wasn’t back in an hour, loaded up on pepper spray and arranged to take the car so I wouldn’t have to walk in the dark. Then I went to the library and discussed many interesting things. I will not disclose those here as of yet, as we are now testing a theory. If you ran into a weird post without content earlier today, that could have been part of that. As for now, I will say:

THE QUEST IS STILL ON

What do you have to say to that? Anyone, class, anyone?

That Crazy Plan

So about that crazy awesome plan…

 turns out, it didn’t really work out. Perhaps it just wasn’t that good of a plan, but it feels more like something dark working against me, dooming me to fail.

Last night, I convinced Calen that it would be a great idea to ditch school and take the bus to local office of the quest bureau. She had some slightly disturbing ideas as to what we might do when we got there, but I suggested we simply demand that they explain themselves, and suggest thay make some reparations for all the life ruining thats been going around.

It might seem like I am a serial school ditcher, what with this being the two-week aniversary of my ditch to receive the quest in the first place, but truely it’s a new thing. I was so nervous about the consequences that I caved and explained the whole plot to Mira before bed.

She told me that I was absolutely out of my mind and that the parentals would probably kill me, but still said she’d keep it a secret at least until I was on the bus. Then she said that if the parents elected to lock me up for a while she would not defend me, because I had been warned. What a kind and generous sister I have.

With these thoughts to comfort me I boarded the bus with Calen bright and early this morning. I thought perhaps we’d have a deep soul baring conversation durring the bus trip but Calen ellected to sit on the opposite end of the bus and stare out the window the whole time.

By the time we arrived I had become thoroughly nervous. Having had the entire night before and the multi-hour trip to prepare, I could not figure out what exactly I was going to say. I mean, I had the feeling of the thing in mind, some heroic and epic speach about wrong being done and wrong not being “good” or something. It didn’t help that I still didn’t know at all what Calen claim to injury was, just that she was furious.

Speaking of fury, there was something just a little disconcerting the way Calen’s eyes sparkled with the cold fire of hate as we got off the bus. I breifly wondered if she might do something rash, and whether I was breaking some agreement I’d forgotten about from the paper-work by bringing her here. It was just all so infuriatingly mysterious! How is anyone supposed to figure out the right thing to do?

It turned out those worries were for naught. When we arrived at the building of the office we found it entirely deserted, abandoned and desolate, as though nothing had ever been there.

I feel I can say now that the building was in the downtown part of the city. It was the street level portion of a two story building otherwise occupied by a hair salon. The windows had been papered up before, almost as though there was nothing there, but now the paper was gone and you could see clearly that nothing was inside. We tried the door, it was locked. We tried to ask the hair salon upstairs and the somewhat spacey receptionist said she didn’t  know that there was anyone in the store below.

Calen began to acuse me of making the whole thing up and being totally out of my mind. I sort of wondered if I was. Calen began to ask the receptionist  when the next bus came and whether there was,

“like, a local place to get a restraining order or something?”

I began to protest that I’d leave her alone, and I didn’t like any of this any more than she did. She said that I was the one who was stalking her, that I’d admitted it, and now I was leading her out into the middle of nowhere on some crazy made up idea.

“Did you ever even have a quest” she raged.

“What” I sputtered, “how could I not? That doesn’t even make sense!”

“What doesn’t make sense is coming out to the middle of no where to find nothing,” she said and then thought for a moment. “No, I take it back, I bet this is all just part of your quest, one more way to try and be my buddy, well I can tell you that if I so much as see you looking at me at school I’l-”

“Laddies!” Calen’s rant had been cut short by the arrival of a tall imperious  man. Apparently while we were fightling the receptionest had gone to get the mannager. He continued, looking severe,
“can we please take this outside?!”

I turned to Calen and her look made me feel suddenly desperate.

“Please,” I said, “Do you know if there was anyone working on the 1st floor, beneath your salon, it could have been two weeks ago, but was anyone there?”

The manager gave me a very suspicious once over and raised his well manicured eyebrows.

“Won’t you come into my office,” he said curtly. I glanced back at Calen. “Just you.” He ushered me through a door to a room lined with hair products, gadgets, and with a small, earily familiar, victorian desk in the corner. He saw me eyeing it and said, “they were an odd bunch, friendly, but odd. They took off a few days ago.” He looked thoughtful for a moment then, “they said I could have the desk, they were clearing out most of the furniture anyway, and we were just opening up, it was  convenient really.”

With this last statement he looked at me so intently I thought he might bore a whole in me. “Anyway,” he continued and began to pick up random hair products and inspect them, “most people hadn’t even noticed them, they were here for such a short time, so it’s not like thay left a forwarding adress.”

“Okay, thanks then,” I said quickly. There was something familiar about this guy and it was starting to give me the creeps. “I guess we’ll never know then!” I tried to sound chipper and optomistic, as I backed away.

“Oh, I think YOU will, at least eventually,” he smiled darkly. It may have been an attempt to be friendly, but I didn’t wait around to find out, the creepy meter had just gone off the charts. I remembered where I had seen this guy. As I rushed out into the salon I didn’t see Calen anywhere so I ran downstairs and into the town square. Still no Calen. Hoping silently that she hadn’t been abducted I ran back toward the bus stop.

Calen was sitting on the bench, arms crossed, slouched, and brewing one tremendous storm. I ran up to her and panting, tried to explain,

“Calen, pant, that guy, wheeze, the manager, he’s…, he’s one of them!”

“So did you deliver our list of complaints?” She sounded totally unconvinced.

“Calen! He was there in the waiting room, he looked all slopy and weird then, but it’s the same guy.”

 As I had been saying this the bus was pulling up and we began to board. I reached out to try and grab her arm saying, “Calen, this is scary.” She jerked away and snaped,

“NOT MY PROBLEM.” I could tell  she still didn’t beleive me, and I felt incredibly desperate, so I sat down next to her. She moved closer to the window.

“I swear, on pain of you r rage, that I’m telling the truth! He said they moved out just a few days ago but I think he’s one of them and I think he recognized me! How did they know we were coming? What’s going on?” I realized I was being rather loud, and then glanced around the bus. We’d made the afternoon bus this time and there were several people on board. Had they gotten on at our stop? I hadn’t been paying attention. I felt myself began to panic.

“Calm down,” Calen gave me a light punch on the arm. I felt a bit light headed and put my head down on my lap.

“Do you ever feel like your life is the object of a conspiracy,” I mumbled.

“No, I KNOW mine is,” Calen said with sarcastic calm.

I could see her hand on the seat next to me slowly clenching and unclenching. I knew she hated me, and I felt so alone and confused that I began to cry. I just sort of sobbed into my knees for some time, while Calen sat there stiff and radiating malice.

I think it must just be something about the gentle motion of public transportation, but I was eventually lulled to sleep.

I had a vibrantly clear dream. There was a small delecate bird, red as a glowing ember. It was flying in a crazy zig-zag line through a forest of dark dead trees. It was being pursued by a flock of large black birds, sleak, deadly predators. I knew somehow that the small red bird was desperately important. I tried to reach out to it, to protect it, but I couldn’t. The dark birds were gaining, and gaining, and sudenly one of them caught the wing of the ember bird with it’s tallon. It spun  in the air for a moment and then was swallowed up by a cloud of black wings.

I jerked awake so suddenly I bumped my head on the seat in front of me. I gasped and sat back, trying to still my pounding heart. It was dark now and I could see Calen’s reflection in the window’s reflection. She looked pale and concerned, but as soon as she saw me watching, she furrowed her brow and turned to face forward.

When we got to the bus stop Calen left quickly without glancing up or saying goodbye. I’m not sure what I had expected, but it felt so final, I was upset all over again. I ran most of the way home and tried not to think of what I would find waiting for me. When I arrived back I took a few deep breaths on the porch, before opening the door slowly.

My mom was bustling in the kitchen and Mira was working on homework at the table. It all seemed so normal and calm, I didn’t want to breath. My mom looked up after a minute of my standing there and smiled,

“How was art club?” I must have looked completely dumbfound because she looked confused, “Mira said you were at art club.”

“Ah,” I began, “Sorry, it’s just getting really cold out.” This somehow made sense to me at the time. I ran up to my room and flopped on the bed. I wanted to sink into it and disapeer.

Eventually I became aware of Mira’s presense in the room.

“Why did you lie for me?” I mumbled, face still in the covers,  then turned and said “the schools going to call, they’re going to find out.”

“I’m just buying you time,” she said matter of factly, “it looks like you need it.” She studied me closely for a minute then said, “oh, and this was on the front porch when I got home.” She tossed a cream colored envelope onto the bed.

“Philemon,” I groaned and burried my head back in the blanket. I just wasn’t ready for anything he had to say.

“Dinners ready,” Mira said in a slightly sympathetic tone, “and it would be weird if you didn’t come.”

It was weird anyway. Everyone was acting so cheery and normal, it made the scariness of the day feel a bit surreal. My parents asked how I was doing and I wasn’t lying when I made excuses about not feeling well. I felt even worse when my parents kindly told me to get some rest and not to get too stressed out by the quest and school and everything.

Now I am trying and failing to do homework. I think there’s really nothing left to do but go to bed. I will look at the envelope tomorrow, I can’t imagine that it would make me feel better, and I really can’t take any more bad news tonight .

Denile

ITS NOT OVER UNTIL I SAY IT IS!!!! I feel like I’m quoting someone in saying that, but I don’t know who, so just read it in your best “epic” voice and know that I mean it.

I’m not going to stop blogging until you change your mind because THIS ISN’T OVER!

Last night I went to movie night over at Melanie’s house. We watched Newsies, which was a great choice to help me feel more empowered and boo-yaka-cha!  Nate was pretending not to be thrilled about it, but I could tell he enjoyed it just as much as the rest of us.

This morning I slept in a bit, but woke up feeling ready to achieve something great. I had some family togetherness breakfast and lied to my parents. I told them that I had come to the conclusion that the quest bureau was really wise and they probably knew what was best for me, and I was feeling much more calm and and ready to move on with my life now. Isn’t that terrible? I’d like to think I did it for their own good, but thats hardly a good reason.

After breakfast I went to go see Philemon again.

He told me to be good and go home, but I did not listen to him.

Then through my own resourcefulness I acquired Calen’s cell phone number and called her about 17 times before she finally picked up. So far my entire relationship with her had looked like stalking and creeper behavior, but I swore I’d be normal as soon as I got a chance to explain myself. That’s what I told her on the phone,

“Just talk to me one more time and I promise I’ll be honest and truthful and explain everything!” She resentfully agreed to meet me at the park by the library in the afternoon.

It was kind of a chilly day, but warm enough in the sun that sitting on the park bench was not completely miserable. Still I was sorrowful enough as I sat there waiting, wondering if I was doing the right thing. Eventually, in what seems to be her  usual show-up-when-I-feel-like-it style Calen trudged up to the bench and sat down.

She didn’t look at me, but glared at the trees in front of us, looking angier than I’d see her before.

“So,” I said a bit tentatively, “I guess I’ll just start at the beginning.” I glance to the side to see if Calen was being any less frightening, but if anything she had become more fierce. So I stared at the grass and plowed right ahead,

“I’ve pretty much wanted to be an adventurer for my whole life. I mean, getting a job and just being normal always seemed like such a terrible ridiculous drag. I wanted to do something important and great and well, adventurous. I’d heard about the quest bureau growing up, how they were this great alliance that spanned the world, committed to the global cause for good. I signed up for a quest as soon as I could. I mean, it’s been my dream for years to get sent off to fight pirates or save orphans or smuggle supplies to some people in need. It all kind of seems silly saying it now, especially since I’m so pathetic.”

I paused for a moment and scuffed the grass with the toe of my shoe. It really did all feel impossibly silly now.

“I got a call from the Quest Bureau just about 2 weeks ago, they said they wanted me to come in early, because normally no one even gets a quest until they graduate high school. So I felt kind of special and awesome like all me dreams were coming true,”

I paused again, this was probably the worst part to say, so I tried to get it out really quickly,

“But then when I got my quest instructions it just said I was supposed to be friends with you. I’m sorry! I know thats a dumb reason to be stalking someone and following them around, because I didn’t even know who you were before I got that letter. But since it was the quest bureau and they’re supposed to be all wise and important I just went with it. Or I guess I tried to be your friend, I was probably just really annoying. I know it was selfish and awful but I thought I was doing a good thing. You know, like in the global fight for good. But now my quest is cancelled or suspended for no reason at all, and no one will tell me anything. It would be totally fair if you hated me now, I just thought you deserved some sort of truth, one of us does at least! But thats really all I know! Sorry…really sorry….”

I took a deep breath and sat up really straight, bracing myself for whatever came next.

“Stupid!” Calen spat out the word with disgust, “I should have known it was something stupid like that!” She stood up suddenly, her eyes blazed and then filled with tears, “And Josh, THAT LIAR!” She stood there looking quite capable of either great violence or a total emotional breakdown. “I HATE THE QUEST BUREAU” she screamed so loudly and fiercely that a couple of mothers walking strollers across the park turned and looked worried.

I jumped up and stood right in front of her, pleading,

“but aren’t they supposed to be the good guys, I mean I’ve always heard about them doing good things?”

“Are these good things,” she hissed, “have they ever done ANYTHING good for you?”

“Well, no, not exactly,” I conceded, “at least not that I know of.”

“Well I can tell you for a fact that they, whoever ‘they’ are, have done nothing for me. I fact, they have been nothing but- ,” she began to waive her arms around searching for a word bad enough. “Let’s put it this way, I am not someone who has much of anything to feel real great about in my life, not a whole lot of ‘good.’ But what little I did have, the quest bureau messed up pretty nicely for me.” She glared at the ground for a moment and then turned her fury on me, “and I suppose sending you along was there idea of a replacement friend of something. Ha!”

She laughed in a rather frightening way for a moment. Then looked at me as if deciding what to do with me. I risked a question,

“So how do you know Philemon, or um, not Philemon?”

She let out a long hissy breath and finally said, “long story.”

“Do you want to talk about it,” I ventured.

“We are NOT friends,” she said with the same creepy deadly calm that I remembered from the first time we met. Everything logical in me was screaming ‘run away, run away’ but there was some small, clearly insane, part of me that responded,

“You are absolutely right. But right about now I am also feeling a plot coming on, that I think you may be interested in.”

“Oh really,” she sounded completely unconvinced.

“Hear me out for 5 minutes,” I said, “and decide for yourself. We’ve got a common enemy here, and I think in some circumstances that might be better than being friends.”

She was still looking at me sort of psycho-killer-like, so I told her very quickly what I was thinking. I will not write here what we are now both thinking, because I don’t want anyone to try and stop us.

But soon enough, you’ll know.

It’s Worse

It’s a good thing I didn’t bet my life on having answers by the end of the night, or else I would not be long for this world.

As soon as I got done typing this mornings post I rushed downstairs with every intention of going straight to Philemon’s (or should I say mystery man, as we don’t really who he is anymore). As I was charging down the front steps my parents returned from their saturday morning walk and needed to know what was going on.

I kind of dissolved into a sobbing mess while I tried to tell them the story, and they tried to comfort me and seemed equally bewildered by the situation. I realized later that it might be sort of traumatic for them to learn the weird whims of a Bureau that has their son doing who knows what in far off Africa.

I tried to be as calm as possible as I pounded on the door to Philemon’s office. He greeted me looking stern and uncompassionate. I held up the envelope and just choked out,

“why?” before I was overcome by tears again. He guided me into the office and I sat down in the chair as he pulled open the curtains to let light in. I pulled my feet up under me and buried my face in my knees for a while.

When I emerged, Philemon was sitting at his desk, looking momentarily lost in disturbed thoughts. Then he resumed his expression of sevarity and said,

“Look Elaine, I really can’t tell you much of anything right now. I’m just following my directions.”

“But what happened last night,” I asked desperately.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss the details of last night.”

“But,” I began to protest, then seeing his cold hearted expression, felt at a total loss of what to say. “Did I do somehting wrong,” I asked feebly.

“You did not fail your quest, you were simply suspended. It could be worse. At present, if you follow directions, you can try and re-apply for another quest this summer.”

Feeling worthless and deflated, I stood up to go.

“Alright, thanks then,” I said monotonously and moved toward the door.

Philemon got up quickly and strode across the room. He looked upset and angry as he opened the door. At me? I didn’t particularly care anymore. I wasn’t sure I cared about anything anymore.

I got home and laid face down on the sofa for a while longer, while my family kept a respectful distance and only patted me on the head occasionally.

I tried to call Calen’s house number from the school phone book a few times, but no one picked up.

In the afternoon Melanie called and wanted to know if I’d like to join her and Nate for some movie watching. Even in my state of total discombobulation I realized that being a third wheel to film night would be awkward. So I roped Mira into the deal and agreed. Not that I think a movie will help, but at least it’s something to do. I guess I’ll go to the movie now. Why am I still writing this?