Seriously?!?

Ok, and just when I was starting to feel even the slightest bit of calm and accomplishment, you had to go and ruin my life all over again!

I”M TALKING TO YOU QUEST BUREAU! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!??!?!

This morning when I woke up from a disturbing dream I couldn’t quite remember, I went downstairs to find Mira munching on some cereal and looking somber. She looked up at me nervously, and silently picked up a cream colored envelope sitting on the counter next to her.

“When I went out to check the weather this morning I found this in the mailbox.” She handed it to me, and I could see the crimson insignia of the quest bureau stamped on the back. We exchanged troubled glances and I tore it open. The letter read,

Elaine,

I regret to inform you that your quest has been suspended. Please resume normal activity until further notice.

On behalf of the Quest Bureau,

Philemon

I screamed and ran around the house and then lay face down on the couch mumbling incoherantly while Mira tried to tell me it might be for the best.

I however know this is not even close the “the best”, it is in fact the worst, and I will have answers before this day is through!

The Play’s the Thing! part 2

I’ll have grounds
More relative than this—the play’s the thing
Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the King.

-Hamlet Act 2, scene 2

Who can I say is to blame here: bad luck, or me, for not really thinking things through? I don’t know! I’m so confused…

My madness had not subsided by this morning. If anything I felt more calm about the idea of inviting Philemon to the play. I mean what’s the harm in it? He has after all had nearly a week to contemplate the peace cookies, and I hadn’t been bugging him at all recently.

Again, the day seemed to be going normally enough, which just goes to show that you should never let your guard down or something, even when stuff seems okay.

My daily Calen hunt lead me all the way to X-wing (ha ha, that joke never gets old) where she was rummaging in her locker. I commented on how it was a crime against seniors that she should have a locker so far out in the boonies. She said she didn’t mind.

I asked her if she was super excited for the play tonight, she shrugged, I reminded her that it was at 7, she said,

“I know, it was all over morning announcements,”

“I’m just making sure, because we have to sit together, and I don’t want to be by myself.” As I said this last part, I realized it was really true. Fancy that, I’m not just making things up anymore, thats got to be progress, right?

Calen acted a bit annoyed and said she’d be there. Then I bid her adieu, and went about my day feeling pretty good about everything. By the time the last bell rung, I was feeling full of gumption and ready to carry out my plan.

I told Mira I was going to see Philemon, so I’d be walking back a different way. She asked if she could come and I didn’t see any particular problem with that. Still, for good measure I made her promise not to give away his secret office location to the enemy.

“What enemy,” she asked.

“Oh, you know, bad people…who don’t like the quest bureau.”

“Oh, you mean like both of us,” she said smiling deviously.

“What?”

“Well it’s not like either of us like the quest bureau a whole lot,” she said with a smirk.

“I don’t dislike them,” I protested, “I just think they gave me a stupid quest. It’s not like I’m joining the global fight for bad or anything, and neither are you! So, ” I said with finality, “we’re both alright, lets go see Philemon!”

Mira looked at me for a moment so intently that I thought maybe she was seeing something bizzere and disturbing.

“What?” I cried out finally, “What is it!?”

“I’ve changed my mind, I don’t think I should go,” she said matter-of-fact-ly, “Anyway, I’ve got study group and I’d like to run home and get a snack first.”

She turned to go, and I was left sputtering. “Seriously it’s nothing,” she called back over her shoulder.

If my life had theme music, this is probably where an ominous tune would have sounded quietly in the distance. The day was beautiful, autumn at it’s best, with radiant leaves skittering across the ground. Yet there was a feeling of disquiet in the air that I couldn’t shake all the way to Philemon’s.

I arrived, and tried to pull back the positive feelings of earlier as I knocked on the door. Philemon emerged, poking his head and looking just as annoyed as ever.

“Oh,” I said feeling suddenly distressed, “Is this a bad time?”

“No no, ” he said rubbing his temples (do I always give him a headache?) and stepping out he door. “It’s fine, do you want to come in?”

“Um, thats ok,” I said, “I don’t want to bother you, I was just wondering if you’d like to come to the play at my school tonight? I mean, Calen and I worked on the sets for like 2 whole days, so we’re feeling sort of proud of it.”

He kind of just stared at me, several mysterious emotions playing across his face. I started to wonder if there really was something wrong with me, that everyone else was seeing noticing and being disturbed by.

“What,” I squawked, “do I have parsley in my teeth, is there something funky in my aura, I don’t understaaaaaand!”

“No,” he said with a laugh (yes, he laughed), “sorry, I’m just sort of spacey today.”

“Apparently, so is Mira,” I sighed. “Oh well, so, can you come?”

“No I can’t really.” He looked perturbed again.

“But what if it’s important to the quest or something? You know, like you could do a progress report on how well I’m questing or something.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. ” He said with resolve and smiled grimly.

“Oh okay,” I felt deflated. I wanted to ask why, and be a pest, but resisted. “Well, goodbye then.”

I began to walk away, and he called after me,

“Thanks for the cookies.”

“You’re welcome.”

I turned and waived. It was kind of awkward, so I quickly dashed away. I was a bit flustered by the time I got home and wished that Mira had been analyze the situation with me.

Realizing that I still had a couple hours until the play, I read Hamlet, just to do something. This was probably not the right choice as the story is nothing short of tragic and depressing right now. People dying left and right, plots and revenge. It provides nothing to improve one’s mood.

Still, when the time for the play rolled around, and I got to take the car (cha-ching) and Calen was actually at the school when I got there, things seemed to be turning around. Calen wanted to hide out in the back, but I wanted to sit in the front row so we compromised on the middle, and got a good seat right on the aisle.

The play began, and it was magical. It was a sort of musical montage, with different scenes from varying musicals, and short dialogs woven together to form an odd story.

“I wonder how they got the rights to all this” Calen whispered near the end of the 3rd song.

“Wivia magic,” I laughed. She smiled, and turned back to the stage.

It had all seemed incoherent durring rehearsals, but seeing all the pieces coming together on the stage was quite beautiful. Near the end of the first half I felt myself near an overcome-by-art emotional breakdown, when there was suddenly someone kneeling down next to me in the aisle.

“Heeey Elaine,” a mysterious voice whispered, “how’s your brother?” I spun around in my chair and still had to do a double take to believe it.

“Clairy,” I choked out in surprise.

If you will recall I previously claimed that Clairy is someone so annoying that I will not waste my journal space on her. Unfortunately she probably deserves a brief explanation. Clairy is a disturbingly pretty junior who was ridiculously obsessed with my brother Caleb last year. Thankfully he was not all that interested in her, but she still doen’t seem to have figured that out.

“I know,” she said in her cutesy way, “we haven’t seen each other in foreeever. But I’ve been busy, and then I was sick all last week and-”

“Clairy, I’m kind of trying to watch this,” I said a bit louder than I meant to. She gave me a little smile as she twirled her waist length black hair around her finger.

“Well, I just thought I’d say hi,” and then she leaned in a little bit closer, and looked around conspiratorially, “AND, I just thought I’d let you know, there’s this major cutie hanging out by the left exit, I thought it was Caleb for a second, but it’s just some mystery guy. Isn’t that exciting?”

“What?” I stood up suddenly and looked toward the left exit. For a fraction of a second I thought it could be Caleb in disguise, but that didn’t even make sense.

As the song came to a close the lights suddenly went bright, and I could see a figure standing nearly hidden in the back. I knew instantly it wasn’t Caleb, but was it-

I bounded up the aisle as the stage lights went down. I was practically walking into him as the lights went back up for intermission.

“Philemon” I cried out in surprise. He was looking to where Calen and I had been sitting, and then whirled around and stared at me. He tried to turn around and walk out the exit but Clairy was suddenly beside him blocking the way.

“Oh, you two know each other, introduce me Elaine,” she cooed.

Philemon, looking oddly frantic, turned and tried to backtrack toward the far exit, but people were beginning to get up and he got stuck in the crowd. I saw him turn one more time to look back to where I’d been sitting. Then I noticed Calen, she was standing up, staring straight back at him. I could see a tremor in the air between them. Then Philemon forcibly removed Clairy from his path and fled out the door.

“That wasn’t very nice,” Clairy pouted.

I felt like the room was spinning a bit. I didn’t know what had just happened, but I knew it wasn’t good. I fought my way through the crowd back to where Calen was still standing. She turned and looked at me, her face blank and pale.

“How do you know him,” she asked with a small quiver in her voice.

“Philemon?” I couldn’t think of anything to say.

“That’s Philemon?” She looked suddenly upset, “that’s not his name, or at least…” She trailed off and looked around the room. Suddenly she snapped back and I could see an angry storm brewing above her.

“He’s a quest guy,” she said sharply, “are you part of all that?” I must have looked guilty because her storm darkened.  Then she burst out,”I’M NOT PLAYING THIS GAME” pushed past me and tore up the aisle.

“Calen, wait!” I tried to follow her but as soon as I got out of the auditorium she was no where in sight. I ran over to the front door and looked outside but she wasn’t there. I checked a few more of the nearby halls but I’d lost her.

“What in the world is going on” I mumbled to myself as I slipped back into the auditorium. I saw Nate and Melanie sitting together in the back row, so I trudged over and sunk down next to Melanie. Putting my head in my hands I said, “pretend I’m not here okay?” Nate started to ask what was wrong but Melanie shushed him and patted me on the head. The lights went down to signal the start of act two.

I’m not really sure what happened during the rest of the show, my mind was just playing and replaying what happened from every angle, asking myself:How did Clairy mistake Philemon for Caleb? They are nothing alike, aside from being boys with dark hair! What was Philemon doing here? How does Calen know him? What did Clairy mean by ‘major cutie’? Thats so disturbing! Why is Clairy so annoying? Where did Calen go? What just happened?!??!?!

Eventually people were applauding and I tracked down Mira as though I was walking in a dream. Whan she saw me she just raised her eyebrows and told her friends she better get home.

On the short drive back I tried to explain to Mira. She didn’t say much, but tried to be comforting in her way.

I went to my room, and here I am still, and I still don’t understand.

But I think I blame Hamlet. When he said, “the plays the thing” he meant it as a trap to tease out secrets. I have no idea how, but I think I’ve been found out, and perhaps so has Philemon? Though what or how Calen knows is a profound mystery. I guess I’ll try and figure something out tomorrow.

All the Lonely People

I think I may be going slightly out of my mind. What other explanation is there for the things that I am feeling inspired to do?

I blame it on Wivia, drama, and the stage.

Here’s how it happened:

The day began normally enough, I tracked down Calen at lunch again. Today she was in trash hall of all places! I’m really beginning to wonder if she’s avoiding me on purpose, but it’s not like she’s handed me a restraining order, so I guess it’s okay?

I told her that we had to go see the play together at some point because we were officially part of it now, and we needed to see how our painting looked with all the lights and such. I asked whether she wanted to go to:

A. The dress rehearsal (which is fun because it’s like the secret insider circle)

B. Opening night (no explanation needed there)

C. Saturday Afternoon (In case she had another rockin’ party on friday night, and couldn’t make it to the opening)

She shrugged and acted like I’d left off the “none of the above option” and then asked what I wanted to do. I said,

“Opening night is clearly the best, as long as you don’t have anything else going on, I’m sure it will be absolute magic! So, can you come?”

“I guess.”

“You’re not allowed to say you’ll be there, and then not come.” I was just about to say something really creepy stalker like “I’ll track you down and make you come,” but she burst out,

“Fine, I’ll come,” , and saved me from myself.

So I guess that’s that then. We’re going tomorrow!

At the end of the day I was feeling a bit morose about not being needed on the set anymore. Since English let out a few minutes early I decided to swing by the auditorium before meeting Mira just to see what was going on.

As I walked in and was a bit surprised to find the production in full swing.It must have been the end of some last period rehearsal.

The stage was dimly lit and a row of people stood right at the edge of the platform. They were singing that beetles song, the one about all the lonely people. It was very rehersal-like with people running around behind them doing something with the set, and others  just standing around the auditorium  doing sound checks and whatnot. I had heard pieces of the song before while I was working on painting the sets, but there was something different about it this time. Perhaps it was the magic of the theater, or the stress of the past few days finally compounding, but the words got inside of me and made me feel a bit woozy.

As the song finished up, Wivia emerged from the front row and began to talk to the singers and then query the sound check people. The bell rang to signal the end of class and I awoke from the magic spell long enough to escape into the hallway.

I still felt as though I was in a trance as I wondered out to the front. I watched all the people streaming out and felt bothered by the fact that I didn’t know any of them. Ok, so I recognized some of them, but it’s not like any of them stopped to give me a high-fives or anything. By the time Mira arrived I was morose.

“Mira,” I said as we began to walk,, “if you weren’t here I’d really be lonely.”

“Okay,” she said a bit suspiciously. I continued,

” AND, if I didn’t have you or my quest I’d be really REALLY lonely, it’s very disturbing.”

“What is?”

“Loneliness,” I said with a sigh.

“And how was your day,” Mira said a bit sarcastically, “where’s all this coming from?”

“I don’t know, ” I said, but I was suddenly full of thoughts that needed to come out. “It’s just you know, suddenly the line between lonely and not-lonely seems really fragile. You said as much yourself, I’m no good at friends! So what about these people like me who don’t have sisters? What do they do? What about the people who don’t get a quest? What do they do? Do they just sew socks their whole life? It’s just all so terrible! WHO’S GOING TO HELP ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE?!??!?”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Wivia,” Mira stated matter-of-fact-ly.

“Mira, I’m serious,” I said woefully. “I’m having a  serious crisis!”

“Alright, alright,” Mira said with a heavy sigh, “lets just deal with this all nice and orderly. Are you a lonely person?”

“Not presently… Or at least I don’t think so.”

“No you are not, as you have me and your stupid quest for company, we’ve been through this already, focus.”

“Right!”

“Ok, so that puts you in the camp of “people to help the lonely people.” So who are the lonely people?” Mira was in full teacher swing. I could tell she was a bit sad not to have a blackboard at this particular moment. Still I was distraught,

“I don’t know, it could be anyone! That’s what I’m saying, life is just so fragile!”

“You’re sanity is just so fragile,’ she retorted and looked at me shrewdly, “have you been getting enough sleep?”

The conversation mostly went on like this for the rest of the way home and can mostly be summed up in this way: people should help people.

I think if we were keeping score on who’s most right about everything, this round would go to Mira. She pointed out that I needed an international board of quest -assigners to point out to me that I aught to be nice to someone who was right in front of my face needing help. Whats worse is I’m still not even sure if I’m helping Calen.

This was all very troubling and made me wonder if there was anything else really obvious that I had been blissfully not noticing. Unfortunately what kept coming to my mind was Philemon. I wondered again and again if he was lonely. Is he stuck there in the office all the time having to listen to people like me complain? Does anyone ever ask him how he’s doing, or why he wanted this annoying office job? I mean, maybe he does have tons of friends and I’m totally making things up, but a one person office does seem kind of lonely, right?

So what all this is leading me to think, is that I should ask Philemon to the play, I mean, if he’s allowed to leave for the night. Art is good for your soul and stuff right? Am I crazy? I didn’t have the nerve to do it tonight, maybe I’ll change my mind in the morning.

More Puzzle Pieces

It is late late late and I need to study study study! But I want to note a few things quickly before I get to it.

I love conspiracies as much as the next person. I’ve always enjoyed the idea that there’s some bigger picture going on, like a whole big puzzle of life’s activities, people and places coming together to be something significant. But sometimes the feeling that one’s life may be the object of a conspiracy is creepy. Like my Hamlet ghost day last week, this was one of those days…Maybe there’s something about Wednesdays.

So here are two more pieces that were handed to me with absolutely no instruction guide as to where they fit in, but seemed important.

Last night as I was innocently trying to read my Hamlet (which still ranks #1 as book most applicable to my life right now), when Mira wonders in and starts acting shifty. She starts asking me how the theater stuff went, and did anything ‘like, you know, weird’ happen and  wondering how Calen was doing etc etc. Eventually I got fed up and declared,

“Out with it Mira! What’s going on?” She continued to hew and haw for a bit but eventually confessed to seeing something weird while Calen and I were baking cookies yesterday. So thats what she was doing on her stake out at the breakfast bar. When I queried what she meant by ‘weird’ she explained,

“So I was just trying to see whatever I could because I thought it might be helpful to your quest or something. I figured I’d just see you because it’s not like I know Calen or anything. I did sort of see you throwing some gauze screens in front of all the stuff you didn’t want to Calen to know about the quest, but then all of a sudden I saw this… thing coming off of Calen. It was like this dark foggy smokey creature all around her.

I thought I was imagining it,so I shook it off and looked again, but it was still there, and sort of becoming more solid. You were trying to say something nice and friendly and I saw this clawed hand reach out of the smoke thing, and it was almost as though it was pushing you away. It was so vivid but you didn’t seem to be noticing it at all.” She stopped and shuddered. Then she sat up, squared her sholders and declared, ” There’s something very weird about Calen, you should be careful.”

She was acting tough now but I could tell she was shaken up about the whole thing.  I tried to assure her that it was going to be all right, and that the smokey dark thing she saw was probably just Calen’s super sullen attitude or something. Mira didn’t seem all that soothed. I tried to continue,

“I do sometimes feel like Calen’s pushing me away just because she’s so quiet and can be so unfriendly, but I don’t think thats really a reason to be concerned. ” I wished I’d taken a psych class so that I could’ve said something more official sounding about why we see the things we do and what they mean. But I had to content her instead by saying about 500 times that I’d pay attention and be careful.

So for obvious reasons I was a bit on edge today. I still dutifully tracked down Calen at lunch, today she was in the courtyard (hiding from me?) and made sure she was coming to help with the set after school.

Oddly enough the day passed without incident. Just as I was starting to feel great about the fact that I was helping with the play and Calen had made it safely there and I wasn’t seeing anything creepy or unusual, Wivia had to pounce on me as I was going to get more paint from the art room. I was walking through the narrow hall behind the backstage area and she suddenly loomed up in front of me (which I’m sure she did on purpose, for the effect).

“If you want to know about Joshua (blahblah),” she wispered dramatically, “you should ask your new friend Calen, I think she knew him better than most of us.” Then she squeezed beside me and swept off down the hall.

“Ahhh! You’re a crazy-maker Wivia!” I called after her, but I don’t think she heard me. For some reason I found this new information infuriating. For one thing, I knew I could not ask Calen about weird guy because she would not answer. Additionally I couldn’t tell if Wivia was just adding flourish to an almost true story or whether she was telling me an actual fact. After all, she did have just the tiniest tendency to exaggerate.

It made me wonder all over again what the deal with this weird Josh guy was and whether it might actually be important to find out what he knows. After thinking about it on the walk home I still think the answer is “no.” I still don’t think I’m going to get to be friends with Calen by snooping around in her past.

So in conclusion, I guess everything is still going ok, I just wish it wasn’t all so creepy and weird! The feeling of conspiracy is doing nothing for my ability to live a normal life right now, which (I can’t believe I’m saying this) is I think what I need to do right now.

Be normal to succeed in my adventure! I told you this was a stupid quest. But I’m going to keep on trying, and trying right now looks like studying.

The Play’s the Thing!

I started the day in a dither over secrets, and such a beginning felt foreboding. I tried to talk it out with Mira on the way to school, but she was acting shifty and evasive herself, so eventually I gave up and talked about Wivia.

I was beginning to wonder whether knowing the story of weird guy was really all that important to the mission. It seemed true enough that he had gone to the school, graduated last year and then randomly came back, apparently to talk to me about Calen’s ghost feelings. Did I really need to know more? It seems like keeping the sneaky spy thing on the DL would probably benefit me more.

Still, I had a meeting with the queen of drama herself, so by the time lunch rolled around and I hadn’t come up with a good way of saying, “just kidding, I don’t really want to know anymore,” I just went to the auditorium with a continued sense of foreboding.

I stepped into the auditorium to a flurry of activity. A rehearsal scene was just ending and Wivia was flying around the stage holding a clipboard and calling out to different actors and stagehands. Today she was dressed like a gypsy, complete with layers of prairie skirts, a peasant blouse and her hair tied back with a bright scarf.

I crept down to the front row and sat down, mesmerized by the beehive of activity. After one more pass around the stage Wivia noticed me and sang out,

“Be with you in a moment Elenor!”

But I was hardly listening, I felt a phenomenal out-of-body “ah ha” moment coming over me. There were people everywhere doing things that were artsy and creative and full of passionate working-together-ness. As Wivia descended the stairs, skirts fluttering I jumped up to meet her,

“Wivia,” I exclaimed a bit louder than I meant to, “the plays the thing!”

“Yes dahling, it always is,” she answered airily, but hen looked a bit confused.

“No, I mean, when do you start, I mean…um ” I was so excited the words were hardly coming out right, ” I mean, when does the play open? It’s like a madhouse in here!”

“This Friday,” she replied with a look of dismay. “I was hoping for it to be the greatest fall act yet, but alas, the prejudice continues and no one cares anything for the fall musical, preferring her faire cousin the spring mus-i-caaaaaal.”

“I kind of understand that,” I said a bit warily, “I mean, it’s so close to the beginning of the school. Didn’t you hold auditions at the end of last year?”

“Yes, yes,” she said waiving away trivialities with a flap of her hand, “But when better to achieve greatness than at the beginning? There is no time to wait, the world needs art now, not later, are you going to spend your whole life waiting for the spring?” I could tell she was just starting to get herself worked into a solilaque of magnificent proportions, so I cut her off.

“Never!” and I flung my fist into the air dramatically, “Autum is the best season and should have the best play…um…musical…thing. Tell me how I can help Wivia and I SHALL DO IT!”

“Hmm…well, you are sort of handy with the paint brush, are you not?” I nodded. “Well then, out sets department is in complete disaray, they have just begun painting today, and it needs to be done by the morrow to dry in time for dress rehersals. If you’re free after school, we need every able-bodied painter on deck.”

“Consider it done,” I said with a salute and ran off to find Calen. My heart was pounding by the time I found her hiding out in the back of the Library. I tried not to notice that she was eating her lunch there, because I know from personal experience that it’s an embarasing thing to be caught in. I whispered enthusiastically,

“Calen! Your school needs you!”

She shoved her granola bar into her backpack and looked at me as though I might be trying to trap her. Undaunted I continued,

“The fall musical is starting this Friday and they need a bunch of help with sets and stuff, so I’m helping recruit people to help after school today. Please please please say you’ll come.”

“I don’t think so,” she said gloomily, “I’m not much into school spirit.”

“Thats why now is the perfect time to start! It’s our senior year! It’ll be so much fun, seriously!” listening to myself I was suddenly concerned that I’d turned into cheerleader barbie. I decided to switch tactics,

“Anyway, I have a friend who’s like the director or manager or something and I said I’d help and I don’t want to do it by myself.”

“Don’t you have anyone else to ask?”

“Um,” I had to think for a moment, it was kind of a disturbing question. “I guess I could try asking Melanie and Nate, or Mira, buuuuuuuut, no not really.” This thought sent me into a discombobulated contemplation so that when she answered,

“Maybe,” I wasn’t really paying attention. I had to sit there for another moment considering that maybe Mira was right about me having no time for friends. Calen looked at me again and said rather wryly,

“you’re not really going to go away are you.”

“I hope not,” I said without really thinking. Then coming back to myself, “so I’ll see you after school then?”

“Maybe,” she repeated, but in almost a friendly way.

I tried to recruit Melanie, Nate and Mira for good measure but only Mira gave anything close to an affirmative. It is sort of a big test week for no particular reason, so I guess I can’t blame them.

After school I met up with Mira who said she really did have to study. Then she went all ominous and cautioned me to be careful. So I went to the auditorium by myself, and when Calen didn’t show up I began to feel truly friendless.

I was gloomily slapping paint on something that looked like a tall chair with a steering wheel on the back when Wivia marched up to me practically dragging Calen.

“I caught this one sculking in the back,” she said in her captain-of-the-ship way, “claims to know you.”

“I was just trying to see what was going on,” Calen said defensively.

I jumped up quickly and trying to ack like this was all perfectly normal, made an introduction.

“Wivia, this is Calen, Calen…Wivia.” Then I shoed off Wivia and showed Calen where the paint was.

“I thought you would be working in the art room,” Calen said still looking ruffled and sullen.

“Oh, sorry, I should have explained better. well, I’m glad you’re here now.”

I showed her how I was painting the weird chair thing, noticed how badly I was painting it, demoted myself to sanding another odd furniture piece, and tried to carry on what turned into a one-sided conversation with Calen. Eventually Wivia came over and shushed me on account of rehearsals just being on the other side of the stage, so I limited myself to the occasional comment such as, “boy, this sure is an odd set,” or “I’ve always sort of liked musicals.” Intelligent things like that.

Calen turned out to be reasonable good a painting and the guy in charge of sets came over and complimented our work and thanked us for helping out. I told him Calen was the real expert, and that I was only her apperentice. He laughed and then wonder of wonders Calen smiled. I almost didn’t believe it, I wished I’d had a camera or something.

When I noticed it was getting late I told Calen I had to go because I didn’t want to walk home in the dark. Calen agreed, looking a bit gloomy.

“Do you walk home too,” I asked.

“I can, it’s not that far,” she said. But her mood did seem to have shifted back to morose.

“Which direction are you going?” I asked as I opened the front door, “we could walk together.” As we stepped out into the dimming twilight I felt the the cold night air working it’s way through my sweater and scarf. “It’s seriously getting to be jacket weather,” I said with a laugh and a shiver.

“I’m this way,” Calen indicated toward the back of the school, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that she shoved her hands in her pockets and walked away.

It was a lovely if not borderline freezing walk home. I was filled with a strange meloncholy sort of hope. The leaves were coming down in showers as the wind whipped around me. Even if the trees were now bare and dark, all the colors seemed too pretty to make me beleive all was gloom and sorrow.

Calen had smiled, that had to mean something too.

Secrets

As I was waking up this morning my brain kicked into a highly frantic gear instantaneously. It was like an airplane loop-de-looping across the sky, and the word that was being spelled out in the trails of its jet-streams was: secrets.

Here is the thing about secrets: they are annoying enough when they are being kept from you, and the keeping of them is seriously interfering with your ability to get things done. But when you are the keeper of said secrets, they can feel like suffocation.

Particularly, this is problematic in the case of my not-really-happening friendship with Calen. When you are trying to be friends with someone, you generally try to get to know them. But in my case I’m like, “hey Calen, would you like to get to know me, or at least the part of me that I can actually tell you about? That would sort of exclude my lifelong dreams, and my current life mission, and the reason I’m kind of despairing of my life, and the motivation behind stalking you.”

I mean, what else is there? Thinking about this made me mad all over again at the quest bureau. What a stupid stupid quest. The moment you tell someone you have to be friends with someone,  the possibility of real friendship goes out the window, because the motivation is all wrong.

So perhaps my new phase of this mission is to get a life outside the mission so that I have something, ANYTHING, that Calen and I can actually experience together. Now if only I knew what she liked to do, but she seems to have a whole host of her own secrets that seem to keep her from disclosing anything even remotely helpful. It’s hard to imagine that changing anytime soon.

Peace Cookies

Did you ever have one of these moments? You know there is going to be a particular situation where you are going to have to say something important or specific. So you think really hard about what you are going to say. Finally you have ironed out every detail of your response and considered every possible scenario, the moment to speak comes…and you blurt out something completely random that has nothing to do with anything.

Normally this happens to me in scenarios which involve cute boys or ordering things at restaurants. But today it happened when I tried to talk to Calen, and that is how peace cookies happened.

Durring lunch I was innocently scouring the entire school in search of Calen. I was cruising by the music room when I spied Wivia frolicking down the hall away from me. I imagine it was this temporary distraction, mixed with running to catch up with her and suddenly thinking about weird guy and then literally running into Calen as I rounded the corner, which resuted in me saying,

“Oh, ha ha, hey Calen, fancy meeting you here…say, what do you know about cookies?” She looked as me with a mixture of confusion and annoyance as she rubbed her arm where we had knocked into each other. All I could do was continue,

“Ya know, you promised we’d get to know each other, and studying didn’t really work out…so…I’m making some peace cookies today after school and…I was wondering if you wanted to help?”

“What are peace cookies?”

“Oh, you know…like when someone hates you, so you make them cookies to establish peace.” I tried to smile as sincerely as possible but inside I was crying a bit.

Calen seemed to be considering the questions she could ask in response, but then just shrugged her shoulders and said, “fine.”

“Mira and I meet in the front to walk home at about 3:20, see you then,” I said continuing to grin like a Cheshire cat. She shrugged again in a sort of affirmative way and began to walk toward the cafeteria.

I watched her go sort of forlornly, thinking that If I were Calen, I would not want to be friends with me. I was feeling sort of sorry for her and considering chasing after her to try and say something else a bit less odd, when Wivia suddenly filled my frame of vision with her face.

“Peace cookies eh? Who’s the war with today Eleanor,” she said conspiratorially, waggling her eyebrows in an impressive way.

Here’s the thing about Wivia: aside from being dramatic and fearless, she also looks about as imposing and artsy as humanly possible. She is both larger and taller than me and exudes an aura of ‘powerful woman’. Her hair is short bleached white-blond with 3 black chunks running down one side. Her clothing and make is extremely theatrical and tends to shift with her moods and the seasons. Today she was a racoon-eyed goth decked out in hounds-tooth power-suite with several large antique broaches along the lapels.

On a strange side note, she always calls me Eleanor. I think it has something to do with the Roosavelts, but I’ve never gotten a straight answer out of her.

“There’s no war Wivia,” I said after reeling in her magnificence for a moment. ” Were you spying on me? And where did you just come from?” In confusion I started looking around wondering if anyone else was about to sneak up on me.

“Alas, my current work on the stage is seriously distracting me from my spy career. But the real question is, Eleanor, why were you looking for me?” I hoped sincerely that I had mentioned something about this to Mira, and not that Wivia was developing psychic powers on top of everything else.

“Um, yes, I did have something I wanted to talk to you about, do you have time right now?”

Wivia waived her hand absently in a dramatic gesture, “My time is in limited supply these days, but for you dahling, anything.”

The bell rang, making me jump and then groan. “Ack, I’ve sworn off of lateness!Real quick, tell me, do you know a blond dude named Joshua who was in choir and graduated last year?”

Wivia smiled thoughtfully for a moment, then replied, “why yes I do.”

“When are you free, can we talk tomorrow at lunch. I really think it’s important, but I really can’t now!”

“You must do what you think is right of course,” she said smiling coyly. “I’ll meet you tomorrow at the stage.”

“Okay,” I said a bit confused, feeling as though I was being tricked somehow.

“Cheerio dahling,” Wivia waved  and strolled back towards the music room.

Needing to clear my head, I took the long way through the courtyard, but somehow still made it to class on time.

After school I was hoping to intercept Mira and appraise her of the situation, but I ran into Calen as soon as I stepped out the front door. At least it wasn’t literally this time. She was sitting on the stone wall that surrounds the flag pole staring at the ground intensely. She looked up as soon as I walked out and for a moment I saw a storm passing over her, something intense and almost angry. The suddenly it was like a switch in her went of and she dimmed back to blank expression and glanced back down to the ground.

I’m not sure why, but I felt a bit afraid. Caleb’s words echoed in my mind and I wondered if I was getting myself into trouble by underestimating something or other. So perhaps this was the first moment where the quest was real, because I talked to her anyway in that whole bravery is not the absence of fear, but acting even though your afraid sort of way.

I asked her how her day was and several other nerdy mom questions, and I don’t think she really said more than yes or no or shrugged. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly carry on a one-sided conversation for one more second, Mira saved the day simply by showing up.

“Mira! Mira!” I exclaimed, “Guess what we’re doing today?”

“Is this the royal ‘we’ you’re refering to,” she queried.

“What? No…I mean, me and Calen, and you can help too if you want to.”

“Ok then, no, I don’t know what (air-quotes) we are doing.” We had started walking at this point, Calen in the middle, seeming a bit shy and nervous while Mira and I bickered back and fourth.

“We (airquotes) are making peace cookies,” I said trying to sound impressive. Though I realized as soon as I said it that Mira would have no problem asking me all the awkward questions that Calen had been to shy to voice. And she did. I tried to answer the best I could without actually saying anything actually relating to the quest, which was tricky, because I had had Philemon in mind as the recipient of my peace cookies. Why? Because…he hates me, and everyone apparently, he clearly needs some cookies. Boys like cookies, right?

I was being so evasive that eventually Mira gave up on me and asked Calen,

“So who are you making peace cookies for?” I was a bit concerned that as Calen seemed so determined to not give more than one word answers, such a direct of a question might overwhelm her. She staired at her feet for a while and I began to answer,

“It’s ok if you don’t have any fights or anything, you don’t have to give them to anyone-”

“Joshua” she said suddenly, cutting me off. Then very quietly, “he’s kind of mad at me, and I am sorry.”

“Weird guy?!!” I squawked before I could even think. She looked at me oddly for a moment, then glanced back at her feet. I tried to amend my statement, “I mean, um, are you talking about that blond guy who was randomly at school the other day?” She sort of nodded and then stared down so intensely that I didn’t ask any more.

It mostly continued to be awkward as we finished walking and rummaged through the kitchen looking for cookie supplies (which by some minor miracle we actually had all the ingredients) and as we started to bake. Mira declined to help, but positioned herself at the breakfast bar with her stack of homework books where she could stare holes in the back of our heads as we baked.

I can’t really say that it went well, but it certainly could have gone worse. I don’t think I got more than 5 words out of Calen, and I did ramble on about a lot of random stuff, but in the end there were peace cookies.

I was sort of hoping to wrap up the episode with some sort of, “this was fun, lets be best friends” but Calen was so closed off, and  then said she should go so suddenly I  barely got cookies in her hands before she bolted off.

I had to go take Philemon his peace cookies quickly before I lost my nerve. I somehow managed to walk the bike back and carry a plate of cookies at the same time. I think I should get a quest badge (not that those exist) for this, because it was challenging as well as noble. Or I suppose what was noble was that I decided absolutely not to bug Philemon about anything even though I had about 1000 questions for him.

I simply knocked on the door, tried to smile when he opened the door glaring, and handed him the plate of cookies declaring,

“Peace!” Then I gave him back his bike and tried to sincerely thank him for letting me use it. The I said, “bye,” and left. Really. In retrospect this may have been more confusing than helpful, but at least it wasn’t annoying.

I think I have a few cookies left, if Dad didn’t eat them all while I was writing this, I think I’ll bring some to school tomorrow and keep on spreading the love.

Ominous

Last night was almost like a slumber party. A slightly ominous and tear-inducing slumber party, but fun none the less. Certainly a good continuation of the sisterly bonding of the day.

It started off well enough with Mira and I were waiting around for Caleb to call.  I was typing, and she was working on homework. Then we both sat on the bed and read fun books. Later I was getting tired and I was starting to have the sinking feeling that Caleb wouldn’t be able to find a secure connection and it would be as though I was stood-up for the second time that day. As I felt the clouds gathering above me. Mira glanced over and in her casual, curt sort of way said, “I doubt it.”

“huh?” I replied, though I should have remembered this common Mira short-hand.

She replied absently,”whatever it is you’re thinking, I bet it’s not true,”  flipping the page in her book. Then she looked up for a moment, seeming a bit concerned.

I considered the aparent non-truth of my thought and realized that I wasn’t truely stood-up by Calen. She had come eventually, I just hadn’t waited long enough.

“So we’ll wait all night if we have to” I declared dramatically.

“Yup,” said Mira with a smile.

We ended up waiting until 2 am, but with Mira keeping cloud watch over me, I tried extra hard not to slip into distress.

When the skype ring sounded we were both nearly drifting off. But we both sprung into action instantly and it was a minor miracle that we neither collided nor knocked the computer off the table.

I pushed the buttons quickly and both started talking at once.

“Hey,” Caleb called over the top of our babble. “Hey, guys, I’m not going to be able to send any video, and I’ve only got a few minutes, but lets talk.” There was a hold-your-breath moment of silence, then with a smile in his voice, and a touch of concern, “Tell me what’s going on big E.”

“Well,” I said my voice wavering for a moment. I felt as though all the emotion of the last week was about to overflow. I tried to organize my thoughts for a moment, and then I exploded. I told him about the stupidness of the quest and Philemon (though I called him Mr.P) being  so impossible, and Calen (my quest girl) being so odd and about feeling so lost and crazy, and how I just wanted to do something important and epic, and how I just wished I was there with him. I took a deep breath and then just sort of started to cry.

“Wow, ok, that does sound like a lot,” he said with a deep sigh. “But here’s a few things,” he paused for a moment, “first of all, I’m glad you’re not here with me. Don’t get me wrong, I miss you both a lot, but stuff is crazy here and I think I’d have a nervous break down if you were even on the same continent as some of the stuff I’ve seen.” I tried to protest about how amazing crazy danger must be, but he overrode my complaint. “Nope, I know you have an adventurer spirit but I’m sure what you’re getting in there is plenty dangerous. Remember you DO NOT want to get in over your head with this stuff by underestimating it.”

“But, it’s stupid!” I broke in, my voice cracking, “There is no adventure here!”

“You can’t say that yet,” Caleb said almost harshly. “I don’t think the Bureau does things by halves. I bet the exciting part is just taking a bit of time to get started.”

“Second,” he said with a finality, declaring that the first subject was closed. “I don’t know what’s up with Mr. P, but don’t let him get to you. This sounds like the same guy S and I had to work with before we took off last year. He was really a jerk, I get the idea that he doesn’t like anyone. In fact, it sounds like he’s kind of calmed down a bit since then.”

“But how am I supposed to do my quest if my quest girl and Mr. P hate me” I cried.

Mira chimed in this time,

“Well I guess you’ll have to learn to get along with people who hate you.”

“M!” Caleb said in false reproach, “Try to use your brain powers to be nice to your sister!”

“I’m always nice,” Mira said matter-of-fact-ly.

“Ok, it’s great to be arguing with you guys again, but I’ve only got a few more seconds. So, be safe and pay attention and-”

Suddenly there was an enthusiastic whoop and Sam’s voice echoed overloud over the computer,

“HEY GIRLS! SAY HI TO MY BRO! YOU CAN TELL HIM WE’RE DOING AWESOME!” Then there some whispering was a strange sound in the distance, and then Sam apologizing. Caleb said quickly,

“Yeah, we’re cool, but I should go, love and hugs to the parents and you guys, great to talk to you!” Then he hung up.

Mira and I just stared at each other wide eyed for a few moments.

“I’m sure he’s ok.” Mira said finally.

I was pretty sure she was right, but still felt another bought of weeping coming on. We both agreed we were extremely tired and that we should probably go to bed. But then decided we weren’t in the mood to be alone, so we both ended ended up staying in my room. We voiced our concern and tried to reassure each other, and ended up falling asleep a bit unsettled.

Today we spent our time trying to shake the ominous feeling hanging over everything.For me it was partially the idea that Caleb was in danger, but also the idea that he seemed to think couldbe in danger and the odd feeling that maybe he knew something I didn’t.

I honestly don’t know what I did all day, but somehow it’s late again and I have school again in a few short hours and everything still just feels so…OMINOUS. Maybe it’s nothing. But I’m not sure I want it to be nothing. I guess I’ll find out soon enough!

Mira’s secret plan

 

The day began on a good note. It ended up being far less difficult to convince Mira to join me than I expected.

It turns out that with Wivia in the clutches of the fall musical, and her other friends stuck in I-ignore-everyone-except-my-boyfriend-because-I-just-started-dating land, she had a bit of free time that she didn’t mind spending with her big sister.

We got to the Library about 5 min before 2, which is something that would only happen with Mira around. After staking out a table that was safely out of the way of the wild children, we scattered it with our studious looking books. Then we pretended to study for at least 30 seconds before we decided it would be more fun to read some of the library’s extensive fashion magazine collection while we waited for Calen.

We were sort of goofing off and ridiculing  “jeggings” (which is not entirely fair because they’re an easy target for the name alone) and trying to pay attention to people walking in at the same time. This did not amount to a whole lot of studying, but it was the first fun time I’d spent with Mira in a while. I was enjoying the experience so much it took about half an hour to realize that Calen was late, and then another half hour to decide she wasn’t coming.

I wasn’t sure whether I should feel offended or worried that Calen hadn’t arrived. But the sisterly bonding was going so well I  tried to brush my concern aside and focus on the positive. The positive being me and Mira spending some quality time together after a week of nearly all waking moments being consumed by a rather stupid quest.After we decided Calen wasn’t coming we decided to walk around the park for a bit and then wander more towards the “down town” part of the city.

Unfortunately it didn’t take Mira too long to get in a lecture mood.

She started by re-iterating, for about the millionth time, that she felt the quest Bureau was overrated and unhelpful. She believes that if a person truly wants to fight in the global cause for good, they aught to be able to come up with ways to do it for themselves.

This is all well and good for her, as she is going to be a brilliant teacher who helps underprivileged children. As for me, I had no idea what good I could do for anyone, and of course I wanted to be epic, and I didn’t know how to do that either. So does that make me weak-minded? Who knows?

Her next point was about how my quest was taking all my time and leaving none for family and friends.

“What friends?” I said just to be argumentative.

“Exactly,” she said rather heartlessly, “You spend all your time imagining this someday adventure, so of course you have no time for friends!”

This seemed a bit harsh even for Mira, who is very interested in the well being of people, but tends to have funny way of showing it. I pouted for a moment before saying,

“And what about the family, I’m around…kind of.” Then continuing my defense “If I was saving orphans you probably wouldn’t complain about me not being around…you don’t complain about Caleb not being true to our family!”

“I miss him just as much as you do,” she said moodily, “and anyway, this is different,because you’re still here.

We walked in silence for a moment letting all the feelings and thoughts swirl around us and settle.

“I am glad you’re still here,” Mira said quietly.

Then I knew, even though she was sort of being bossy and parental as per usual, it was because she cared, and that was a nice feeling. I was feeling sort of warm and fuzzy when Mira suddenly smiled deviously and said, “I emailed Caleb.”

“What! How?” He’s so hard to get a hold of I tend to not try, and just wait for him to contact us. But it is like Mira to go the extra mile. I considered this for a moment then asked eagerly,  “Did he write back?”

“Yup.” She smiled sheepishly, “I may have overplayed your new quest drama just a tiney bit.”

I was both impressed and dumbfounded by her nerve. I wondered what parts she had made up.

“And,” she continued with a devious smile, “He might find a way to skype with us tonight.”

“MIRA!” I gasped, “What did you say to him?” I jumped up and down and then grabbed her hands and began to dance in circles. Then I really didn’t care that I had a sister who was bossy or brilliant because she used her powers for good.

We were dancing along talking about how excellent it would be if Caleb did call and we decided to take the shortcut back by the library.

Now I keep saying that things shouldn’t surprise me  anymore because my life is just so full of odd happenings. But I think the truth is that I am suprised by everything, even obvious things.

So when we saw Calen standing be the door of the library,even though it was after 5, I descended into a near panic attack.

I ran up and started apologizing and saying that I hoped she wasn’t waiting for me and that I had thought she wasn’t coming. I may have been raving a bit. She responded by acting shy and embarrassed  (which was sort of shocking in and of itself considering her previous hostile behavior). Then explained

“I got here after 4, so I just studied by myself for a bit, it’s really okay. ”

Mira intervened by introducing herself and smiling her future-teacher-of-the-year smile. She got a few more words out of Calen about the weather and school before she mumbled something about needing to leave and dashed away.

It was mysterious, but seeing Calen, and seeing her exhibiting something so close human emotions kind of felt like that good thing I had been hoping for. Sure, I responded kind of crazily, and I still don’t know if I’m accomplishing anything on this stupid quest, but there is a glimmer of hope, and I think that’s all I need for now.

No One Studies

Well, now I’ve done it! Now I need to go study at the Library to hopefully meet up with Calen and hypothetically study and somehow hopefully become her friend. This is really silly for several reasons, but most obviouly the following:

1. No one studies on Saturday afternoon

2. No one studies at the public library, as it is full of small wild children who have been set loose by their parents.

3. No one studies with Mira because she is too smart and requires absolute silence for knowledge absorption.

I think the best way to approach this is to not think of it as studying at all, but instead as a covert mission in which I must appear to be studious but instead will be using all of my willpower to befriend Calen and make her not hate me. How am I going to do this? No one knows.

I’m posting early today just in case the numerous factors stacked against me cause massive calamity and I fail before the day is done. I do have a small speck of hope, but thats mostly based on the fact every once in a while things go right. There’s always a chance.